Annoying Things that Men Do: De Response

22 Aug Annoying Things that Men Do: De Response

After reading the article “Little things women do that annoy men” by Kern Elliott in Outlish two weeks ago, we’re sure some women had some laughs, and others thought, “I know he ain’t talking about us” (neck movements and finger snapping included). Then the timeless ritual of male bashing ensued.

However, instead of eliciting anger on our end, some productive venting turned into an article about the types of men that annoy women. Come on. We had to do an ‘answer back’!

What we have here are the fellas who leave you dazed and in disbelief. These guys have you asking the universe questions, and leave you asking yourself the timeless question, “Why me?” Now, the liars and the cheaters have been omitted, because they’re about as common as a lying politician or a doubles vendor on the Eastern Main Road. So men… pay attention, prepare to be schooled, and hope that you don’t fall into any of these categories. Ladies, feel free to add any other types that annoy the hell out of you.

Mr. Politician

This is the fella that giving Kamla competition. He can’t ever give a straight answer. You will never get a “Yes” or a “No” to a query, so don’t bother trying. If you ask this fella simple questions, like where he went to school or if he likes football, be prepared for a full speech, and when he’s done you still would not have gotten your answer.

This guy will give you a press conference for any question you ask; unfortunately he never actually answers the question. A good example of Mr. Politician at work is as follows:

Woman: Babes, you went by your mother today?

Mr. Politician:  Well when I woke up this morning ah feel for a lil sweetbread nah, so I went to the shop and they didn’t have the one kiss does make nah, so I had to get it somewhere else…

By the time he finishes, you are left feeling as confused and disgruntled as a Heat fan after this years NBA playoffs.

Mr. Big Words

Men usually have a habit of saying what they mean, but there are some men who need to keep a dictionary around to make sure they stay true to what they want to say. These types of guys usually use big, scientist-level words in every sentence. The only problem is they are usually just bluffing, and have no idea what they’re saying. For example:

“This sex was the penultimate experience of my life.” Just because the word ultimate is in the word doesn’t actually mean it’s a positive adjective. Penultimate actually means next to last.

Ladies, you know this guy. He always leaves you confused after a conversation, and his text messages have so many spelling errors that you mistake it for a word jumble.

The Cheapskate

Now we are independent women, and we don’t mind paying our own way. However, there are certain norms when it comes to dating that should be followed. When a man asks you out on a date, and follows up that request with, “Well, you working big job and thing you could pay for it right?”… That is a definite NO.

This type of guy is very much a loafer. He never buys gifts because he is the one doing all the receiving. Hell, he even asks you to buy the gift he needs to get for his mom for her birthday. He’s the one who’ll offer to take you to dinner on your birthday, and then will casually wait for you to pay the bill, after he’s ‘nyamed’ down a whole rack of ribs, while he quickly grabs a KC dinner mint. Oh, and it’s always followed by, “Yuh know ah love yuh, right?”

Some women don’t mind doing the sugar momma thing with men, but the majority of us would prefer you take care of business out of bed, as much as you do in it.

Mr. “Flaunt It”

Mr. Flaunt It, as you can imagine, is the easiest to recognize – mostly because he is always all up in your face. After a date with this guy, you are sure to begin appreciating the little things in life in a whole, new way.

A date with him usually consists of him taking you to a nice restaurant, where he starts talking about his car, how much money he makes and how many degrees he holds. He’ll talk about all his accomplishments, and might even compare himself with others just to show you how lucky you are to be on a date with him. And at the end of the date, he’ll probably show you the bill right after he pays for it, with a smart comment like, “I can afford it.

Conversations usually go like this:

Woman: Hi.

Flaunt it: I’m Mike. I make more money than you.

Woman: Oh okay, so how was your day?

Flaunt it: Well you know how it is, you lose a million, then you make two more.

Woman: Umm… sure. So this is a nice restaurant.

Flaunt it: Of course it is. I picked it out. Dinner here is like two grand a plate, but of course I spend that much on a tube of toothpaste.

Woman: Are you really this obnoxious?

Flaunt it: Did I mention I made another two million pounds today? I use US dollar bills as toilet paper.

Mr. Big Talker

We think women are most familiar with this guy. He can usually be recognized by promises to “rock your world”, or sentences like, “Girl you ain’t hear bout me or wha? Mandingo jealous me yuh know”. He talks big, and is usually pretty confident about what he’s saying. As they say though, empty barrels make the most noise, and you end up with high expectations followed by disappointment and excuses like, “Nah, that is the first time that happen” or “ah cum quick cause that is how bad ah wanted yuh”. Fellas, it’s never a good idea to exaggerate your capabilities. Women like to talk, and you’ll just end up the punch line of a joke during an after-work lime.

Now fellas, this is not to hate or make fun of you at all. Most women will not tell you to your face that they find you annoying. They’ll probably count the minutes until the date is over, and then ignore your calls and messages. Then, if they glimpse you while out with their friends, they’ll point and heckle and paint your name blacker than the mosquito that bit Kamla. So consider this a guideline and try not to fall into these categories, or face the possibility of hearing a friend tell a joke about a guy her friend dated, and it turns out that guy is YOU.