Facebook and Fake Friends

12 Apr Facebook and Fake Friends

Isn’t it funny how all of a sudden, all your “friends” magically remembered your birthday?People who you haven’t seen in ages, and those who you see regularly, but can’t even remember your surname, are sending you birthday greetings.

Please. Don’t lie and pretend you remembered my birthday. I know you. You forgot! Your ass logged into Facebook, and then Facebook did the rest. Thanks for logging in. Guess what? Stacy – the ugly-ass chic you went to school with, Sharon – your “friend” whose calls you don’t return, Westley – your co-worker, and Dexter – the neighbour you love to hate are all celebrating their birthdays today. Why don’t you head on over to their profile page, and wish them “Happy Birthday”. Make them believe you remembered, or even knew their birthdate in the first place.

Before Facebook, we actually remembered our friends’ birthdays, well the true ones that is. Today, we remember nada; we’re as lazy as hell. All our trust is placed in these social networking sites. People have become so blatant with it, sending birthday greetings to every and anyone on their friend list all willy nilly.You even send greetings to strangers you just added a week ago. Hey, I added you just to increase the number of friends on my page; you don’t have to wish me happy birthday. We don’t know each other; it’s ok.

To make matters worse, the birthday celebrant logs on, looks at the 300-plus fake, lazy, well-wishers, and gives the famous birthday speech, “I would like to thank all my friends for wishing me a happy birthday; I feel the love”. Friends you say? What friends? We have to find another word to describe these people. How many of them picked up the telephone the old-fashioned way and gave you a buzz? None I’m sure. So please, don’t feel too overjoyed by the greetings. Without Facebook’s reminders, you’re left with birthday greeting from your parents.

Our laziness has evolved so much that Facebook now has to remind us to say hello to a friend. Hey, look Nadine Nichols, “Say hello, write on her wall”. Ooh, poke Narissa Sing. Steups. I say hello whenever and to whoever I want; I don’t need a reminder for that. The absurdity of it all is when Facebook tells you to reconnect with your brother or sister, who’s sleeping in the room right next to you.

We’re not lazy with relationships alone; there’s the writing. We’re so lazy no-one bothers to correct poor spelling anymore. Hey scholar, it takes nothing to copy, paste, and correct your spelling, and repost it. We’ve become so comfortable. I’m lazy. You’re lazy. We’re all lazy. Come on, what will Facebook think of next to preserve the laziness?

Mark Zuckerberg et al, I know you’re reading this (well, I’d like to flatter myself and think you are). We need a feature to send out job applications, another to remind us of our daily showers, and another to tell us when it’s time to take a bathroom break. I mean, fathom the thought of not functioning without your guidance. People have become so programmed, they don’t even realise that they’re living in the Facebook matrix. Nothing’s real anymore. Not your friends on Facebook. Not the birthday love. Not even the people who clicked “attending” to your party.

Wait a minute. I just got a notification. It’s time for my bathroom break, got to go now.

Editor’s note: The last time we looked for Chica, he was still in the bathroom. Hmm… seems like Facebook didn’t remind him that he had to come back.