Lovers’ Quarrel: Should you get in Man and Woman Business?

12 Sep Lovers’ Quarrel: Should you get in Man and Woman Business?

If only everything in life were in black and white, rules would be so much easier to follow. Especially the ones you make to help you stay out of trouble. Like my personal favourite – not dating your best friend’s ex, no matter how cute he or she is! Or even the rules you’ve grown up hearing, like “doh get in man and woman business”.

I’ve heard that saying too many times to count. However, believing and always obeying is two different things. But what exactly is man and woman business? Well it’s anything involving or relating to relationship issues/problems. Like when your friend comes ‘ringing out’ your ear about what her man’s doing or not doing, and asks for advice. Or when you see a certain somebody holding hands and grocery shopping with someone who’s not their woman. Do you go and tell, or do you mind your own business?

“Do you go and tell, or do you mind your own business?”

Well I’m guilty of accommodating my friends when they need to vent or require advice, and I have gone back and told on one particular occasion for two, valid reasons… I disliked the guy, always knew he was a no-good, and the person he was two-timing was a very dear friend of mine. But he was on his way out of her life anyway. She was seeing the light. I just wanted to put the nail in his coffin. I know… I’m bad, aren’t I?

Fortunately, however, in that case things went well; not like with my so-called cousin who told her brother’s girlfriend that he was cheating on her. I know you will say that she should not have interfered, but it’s difficult to be a bystander when someone you care about is going through a traumatic experience. So much like Pandora’s Box, you know you shouldn’t, but you can’t help yourself.

Indeed, the fallout from this is a perfect example of why they say, “Doh get in man and woman business”. She was ostracised by not only her brother, but also other family members. So sometimes you think you’re doing something good by preventing someone from getting hurt, but in the end… it’s you who gets thrown in the fire. So don’t expect any thank yous or to be rescued… when you put yourself on the line.

Relationships are complicated and when a quarrel erupts it makes things even trickier – so you have to tread lightly. Even your good friend can become your enemy. You don’t expect to get stabbed in the back, but it happens. Like in my own situation some time aback. Everything I said was carted right back to him – the same man who was breaking her heart, and, in turn, he got on my case for “muddying his waters”. Her loyalty remained with him, no matter how bad things got.

“The same friend begging for advice is now vex with you…”

So a word of advice, even if you know the person or persons involved, love makes people do strange things. They can turn on you in a heartbeat. The same friend begging for advice is now vex with you… the man vex with you and they kiss and make-up. Then there are others who don’t want any advice, they don’t want you involved today or tomorrow in their romantic troubles. From the time you open your mouth to say boo… you done getting cussed out. So it’s safe to say that such is best left alone.

Sometimes it’s wise to let things fizzle out before you can get involved in a lovers’ quarrel. It’s not good to strike when the iron is hot. Let them vent. Wait until all the steam and heat blows out, and is, hopefully, replaced by calmness and sanity. Then you can be the voice of reason, since they’ll be more open to hearing a new perspective or solution to their problem.

Generally, when you’re on good terms with the person(s) involved, it’s always that much easier to get drafted into their quarrel. Thus, you have to be careful of not only what you say, but also how you say things. You can tell some people about their significant other, and they’ll take it in stride because they know you genuinely care. Others will think you want to be with the person, so you just trying to mash them up.

Then there are those who will be upset with you for not having said anything in the first place. Imagine they want you to stick your nose in “dey business”? They’ll want to know, what kind of friend you are for not seeking their interest.

So more often than not, it’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t scenario, when it comes to man and woman business.

A girlfriend shared that she doesn’t care, once she considers you her friend, if she sees something you should know she’ll tell you… what you do with the information is up to you. But at least her conscious will be clear.  Yet another said that she will have nothing to say, especially if things seem to be going good in the relationship. “Why rock the boat?”

But there are times when you aren’t close to the lovers in question, yet still they want to pull you in. Such situations should be avoided at all costs. Don’t let them chain you up with the he say/she say bacchanal. They’re looking for a scapegoat.

Some lovers’ quarrels last for short spells; others all seasons. Some are turbulent, and others are like mild gas pains. It all depends upon what sparks the argument – infidelity, money matters, feelings of being unappreciated or undervalued, abuse, drinking, drugs, etc. So don’t be afraid of backing away and seeking professional help, especially if you think someone’s life might be at risk (Like if your neighbours fight like Mr. And Mrs. Smith).

Life is already messed up. I don’t need any more complications. So I really do try to live by the saying, “Doh get in man and woman business”. But, as I said before, rules would be easier to follow if everything was in black and white… but they aren’t.

So, if you find that you can’t control yourself… remember – always proceed with caution, set your boundaries, love makes people do strange things, that there are two sides to every story, and, most importantly, if your tail gets caught… “Yuh can’t play mas and ‘fraid powder!”

Image credit: mediatakeout.com