Married and Bored? Or Single and Lonely?

11 Oct Married and Bored? Or Single and Lonely?

“Married and bored or single and lonely… no happiness anywhere… Bleak boy, bleak!”

Those were the provocative words uttered by Chris Rock, a brilliant social commentator, masquerading as a comedian. At first, I was laughing with the rest of the audience because oh gorsh man… is Chris Rock. However, I found myself mulling over his words later, and wondering, is this really just a good joke or is it one of those sad, but true stories that we never talk about in public?

Like most things, I took this one to the posse to get some feedback. No one wanted to go on record about the topic, including this married author. Behind the anonymous wall, however, everybody was saying, “Hell yeah, Chris eh lie, he is 100% correct”.

First things first though, let me break down the posse. The composition is mainly married couples, with some die-hard bachelors through whom the rest of us live vicariously. We vary in age, but are all hovering close to 40, and those in a relationship have been with the same person for over 15 years. So, we know of what we speak.

The married all chorus different complaints that reinforce the fact that daily life can grind the romance of a marriage into dust, until you start to really question and wonder, what is the point? Get up, eat breakfast, get the kids to school, go to work, come home, do homework with the kids, cook dinner, pay bills, go to bed, and do it all again tomorrow. Exciting!

“…they could disappear tomorrow, and no one, except for their parents, maybe a handful of close friends or the office would notice their absence.”

Although the independent singles sing and crow about how they have the freedom to do as they want, when they want, and any time they want, their issues can also run deeper. Your heart breaks for them when they talk about the fact that they could disappear tomorrow, and no one, except for their parents, maybe a handful of close friends or the office would notice their absence, in less than three days. Or the fact that they are so scared that one day, they will wake up old and alone, doddering around in their home, taking in cats. Terrifying huh? But like most things in life, this is only one side of the coin. As the Irish say, “distant hills are green and nothing in life is absolute”.

Why can’t we accept certain truths, as ugly as they may be, about the choice we have made to be either single or married?

Let me proclaim, without apology, that yes, marriage is boring as hell at times.  Sometimes, you would rather watch the cock-set burn than have to hear THAT story one more time. You know the one, the one that your spouse tells every time you’re both at a lime, and drinks start flowing. Again baby? Really? But, because you know and love them so well, you sit through that damn story with an ‘isn’t that so amusing’ smile plastered on your face, while you have an out-of-body experience, wracking your brain wondering what made this man so fascinating in the first place.

This is just one of the classic “I’m married and bored” scenarios.

So, is there a solution or do you just haul arse? Well, in my youth I might have taken the haul arse option with no regrets. Nowadays, I have the maturity to try to take responsibility for my own reality, and work on solutions, not just avoidance.

So what to do? Begin to develop outside interests… fast. I have discovered that unhappy is the spouse who expects to find their fulfilment in his or her partner. Take it from me; you will always be bored, if you look for someone else to stimulate your life. Be interesting yourself. Bring home the flavour to spice up de pot!

“… anyone who is single, in this day and age, is there by choice.”

Now, let’s look on the other side, being single and lonely. I am of the firm belief that anyone who is single, in this day and age, is there by choice. Either their standards are too unrealistic, stringent or their playing field is too small. So, you are single basically because yuh like it so. Accept your choice in its entirety – the good and the bad. Accept it and embrace it. Yes, you will be lonely at times, but that is not always a bad thing. Use the time to appreciate, and cultivate yourself for when you do decide to give up singlehood for a duo.

Married and single life can be a set-up. As a friend of mine says, it’s something that’s sold as a six, but really it’s a nine. Each group acts like they have all the pros, as if the cons only exist on paper. I wonder if part of the set-up is the fact that we push these romantic ideals and largely impossible outcomes about both statuses, when really, we should just be honest and share our experiences with each other, accepting the limitations of both.

Sure, nobody said that either choice would be this hard, but accept it, and don’t make your destiny about your current state. Make it about you. Abraham Lincoln says that most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. Maybe we should consider that, with or without the wedding ring.