25 Oct Slut or not? Judging Sexuality
You know, one of my biggest concerns, after living for over 24 years, is the fluid use of the label “slut”, “whore”, “skeg”, “tramp”, “skettel”, or whatever makes you tingly inside. As we’ve seen, it probably has more synonyms than any other word in the English language. In fact, I’m not concerned. I’m downright amazed at it.
One thing I’ve noticed is ladies and men define the word differently.
To women, a slut is a woman who is sexually active. She’s a woman who wears a lot of makeup. A woman who dresses suggestively in tight or revealing clothing. A woman who, despite her unpopularity, tries to get the attention of men. A woman who is assumed to be sexually advanced because her body is more developed, even if she claims to be a virgin. A woman who flirts with other girls’ boyfriends or limes with mostly guys.
Frankly, ladies, y’all are conniving creatures. One wrong move or an extra drop of oestrogen during puberty and a girl’s screwed for life! But I digress.
For the guys, it’s much simpler. When a guy calls a girl a slut, it’s because he perceives she has too much sex in terms of quantity, variety or number of partners. His definition pretty much revolves around… sex.
“A slut… anyone who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex may be nice…”
With the ladies, however, this tendency to ‘slutify’ people is more based in psychology. Ladies admit it; it’s only your insecurity, pettiness, immaturity and jealousy talking. Feel free to deny all you want, but chances are you’re probably lying to yourselves, just a little bit. Most likely, you’re afraid the girl you label as a slut might swoop in and take your man away, or you’re threatened by her buckets of freedom and confidence that runneth over. Slut rumours may spread for the same reason other rumours are spread – for the starter to feel superior.
Now, guys… so… she has too much sex? Do you know any guys out there who have as much or even more than she does? Would you call him a slut; does he deserve to be labelled? And no, “pimp” or “having game” doesn’t count.
I would probably define a slut as anyone who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex may be nice, and pleasure is good for you. And as long as someone is being safe, responsible, and not harming anyone else, how much of my business is it what they do with their sex life?
In my view, enough prudes and haters run amok in society as it is. Are these people so oppressed, so controlled by what is going on around them? Probably yes. But if you haven’t noticed, people who are negatively cultured operate in extremes instead of balance, propaganda instead of safety, controlling lies over factual information. And the fact is, the popular viewpoint on sexuality is in no way healthy, productive or empowering. That’s why it is so important for us to use our super-duper God-given critical thinking skills.
Anyway, here are some questions you can pose to your friends, if they label people… Just to get them thinking about what they’re doing…What’s wrong with sex? Is it your place to judge them? Would you call a guy a slut or man-whore? What’s so wrong with exploring sexuality in this way, provided they are being safe about it, that you have to harass them?
And here are some questions for you. If you think a woman should be able to partake in sex if she pleases, why are you labelling her in ways that say you don’t?
If you think what she’s doing is wrong that’s cool, but is it your place to judge?
Does your reason really mean anything, or is it just an excuse to be intolerant?
One more thing, though – ladies, when you call each other sluts, it gives men the impression they have permission to call you sluts and treat you disrespectfully. And fellas, using that word just makes you look unintelligent and misogynistic (which I’m sure you are not).
So, let’s just respect each other, respect each other’s choices, and hopefully grow as a society.
Image courtesy iStockphoto.com; Asian.
Joshua Ramirez Wharwood is a Communications major at the University of the West Indies. Whenever he's not feeding his addiction to Skittles and Coca Cola, he immerses himself in all things digital. Follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/joachim365.
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Gayle
Posted at 02:41h, 25 Octoberare so unnecessary and unjustly given! Have to say I was surprised that this article was written by a guy ( didn’t read the particles just jumped straight into the article) Good stuff
Isaac Rudder
Posted at 03:23h, 29 OctoberFor years, I have heard many argue on this topic. And for years I have said the same thing over and over again, and will repeat it here on this article.
As we all know, almost internationally, it is more socially acceptable for a male to be sexually promiscuous than a woman. Women have argued for years that it is unfair that women be called sluts, whereas men be called pimps and bosses etc (which kind of troubles me, since half those women always complain about males anyways and their sexual ways… so why they would want to be accepted socially for being promiscuous is beyond me… but anywyas). However, there is a VERY simple reason for this.
Now this goes for both ladies and gentlemen… the following is a REASON only. I am not saying it is right, I am not saying it should be acceptable, I am saying WHY it is women are scorned for being rabbit humpers and men somewhat praised. This is also an OPINION based on observation and experience. So when you read my comment, DO NOT be upset and shower me down with angry comments, or as Trinis say, DOH BEAT UP!
The simple reason is physical make up. You may say, especially as a woman, “but what f*ckery this boy talking”, but that is simply because you do not have or do not understand the issue of having a penis.
Whether you like it or not, it is very easy to get a man aroused and to achieve an erect penis… it is as simple as the visual of a sexy woman in clothes. The thought of a nipple alone could be enough to get a man ready to go. Most men would agree with this.
And I would expect women to agree with the following – sexual arousal and pleasure is way more mental for a woman. Women are not easily aroused by merely seeing a “sexy” man or even a penis. Generally, they need to have the mental mindset that they can be with a man.
So on that note, it would be more EXPECTED for a man to be ready to have sex. Note well, I’m not saying it’s right, but it is unfortunately they way things are. It is easier for a man to be ready for sex once his penis tells him. As my friend puts it, it’s DD vs DU thinking (d*ck up vs d*ck down). With DD, men can be very normal and not seem like those who need to go around being sexual. With DU… hmmm let’s just stay, trouble starts. As a man, I can say my penis almost literally talks to me sometimes and tells me that I need to go and put it inside of a certain girl. The only thing that stops me, and stops other “good” men, is will power. Many men out there have the will power and wherewithal to resist the callings of their penis, others don’t. In other words, I am almost insinuating that male promiscuity is not very pre-meditated, but more on the spot. It is still a choice but not a well thought out one. I would like to point out YET AGAIN that I am not saying this is right … this is merely an explanation why it is more acceptable for a man to be a whore.
As for a woman, as I said prior, it is very mental. Their arousal often depends a lot of knowledge and thought of prior sexual experiences rather than a physical seeing of something. Even in masturbation, men can easily watch a pornography to get off, women require more mental stimulation, and even when using porn they would use it more as a catalyst to bring up a past thought of pleasure rather than using the actual porn itself. So in a way, a woman going around to get a lot of sex from different people is almost pre-meditated, something they have thought about doing and not somehting they do on a whim and fancy.
This statement btw has been formulated from conversing with many sexually active females and their ideas of achieving orgasms and ultimate pleasure, including girls we may consider whores. This is why, even for a woman, it is easier to look down on a woman than on a man, although it is not right. This is merely the reason why.
If you disagree, feel free to say that I am wrong, and that maybe you think that my reasoning is ignorant. But don’t malign me- as I said it is merely formulated from experience, AND it is a REASON WHY it is easier to ostracise women for sexual promiscuity than men, I am not saying I agree or that it is right!!!
Actually, in my opinion, neither should go around sexing the world. Keep it for someone you’re commited to at the very least, and for someone you love in my case.
Cate Young
Posted at 16:46h, 20 AugustUmm, no. Just no.
That is a classic MRA justification for a patriarchal double standard. The fact of the matter is that women are looked down on for being sexual because historically, their sexuality has always been policed as a means to control them. That is all.
That aside, I take issue with the insinuation that women are just petty and jealous. That is another way in which women are gaslighted. Our feelings are not irrelevant because we have vaginas. Are some women petty and jealous? Or course. But so are some men. It has nothing to do with being female.
We police people’s sexuality because we’ve been socialized to demonize sex. How about we just stay out of other people’s business? This article really rubbed me the wrong way.
Isaac Rudder
Posted at 09:04h, 10 SeptemberClearly… It didn’t matter that like 4-5 times in this, I said this does not make it right (aka it is not a justification). I said it is a reason as to why it is easier to malign a woman for her sexual choices. A reason for why something occurs does not mean it’s a justification for it’s occurance.
Um yes, just yes. This is WHY it occurs. That does not make it ok, or right. There are reasons why everything occur in the world. There is a reason a racist is a racist. There is a reason why some men beat their wives, and vice versa. The reason is not a justification, merely a way to understand the mindset and rationalisation (albeit poor) of the culprit of the negative act.
For the final time, this is merely a REASON and does not make it right. Which I said 4 times in my previous comment but you clearly missed.
PS – I’m fully aware of the roots of being looked down sexually. Unfortunately, we’re in 2012, where:
1. It is a lot more acceptable for a woman to be sexually active
2. Women have a lot more rights than they once did
3. Even though without a doubt, the roots of something (just like above, there is a reason why it started) still play an effect on what happens today, there are a lot more people in this day and age, like myself, with rational brains who themselves can rationalise and vocalise why they dislike something, and if it makes no sense, they can change their asinine views.
I’d also like to point out to end this off that, I was raised in a very liberal family. I am 100% OK if a girl wants to be sexually active, once she’s honest about her lifestyle both to herself, and her partners, and she doesn’t lie, cheat etc to them. If you would have read what I said, I formulated this opinion by actually talking to people about their sexuality, both male and female with very different views on both male and female sexuality. “Classic MRA” has unfortunately been confirmed accurate by many of my peers, including people you yourself know Cate – but as a REASON, not as a JUSTIFICATION.
With that, I depart. Please, in the future, read my comment thoroughly before saying “no” and “justification” since I clearly pointed out it wasn’t the latter quotation.
Penguin145
Posted at 00:27h, 07 JuneYou keep emphasizing it as a “reason” but not a “justification”. Let me show you how you went off down a rabbit hole.
if a person murders someone because he wanted their wallet, that’s a reason. If I go on and on about how the murderer just wanted the wallet and the murder victim was just in the way and how it’s the murder victim’s fault for having a wallet in the first place, and also how it’s in the nature of murderers to murder people so the murder victim should have known better, then that go far beyond reasoning.
You’re not explaining anything anymore. You’re just trying to downplay their actions by making them sound reasonable. It’s the same kind of mentality for rape and sexual harassment cases where people go “well, they’re boys, so that’s why it happens.”
This would also include things like “my friends believe it” and “your friends believe it” also goes along the lines of justification rather than reasoning. It’s the same as saying “everyone else is doing it!” because that holds the implication that since the majority buys into it that it’s okay.
And it comes across as even weirder when you go “it’s not right, but it’s completely normal behavior” because that carries the implication that it’s something that should be excused. That is also justification. Tacking on the “no it’s not” doesn’t change your reasoning or how you’re trying to use your reasoning.
If you want to argue that these things are prevalent, then that is even all the more reason why it should be widely addressed.