Pum Pum Etiquette and Love: How Soon is too Soon?

03 Dec Pum Pum Etiquette and Love: How Soon is too Soon?

“If you know yuh nah go run de nookie, doh waste mi time.” I have a few friends who unofficially live by this mantra. But how does it fit into the picture when someone is looking for love?

Fellas don’t really have to change anything, except the fact that they might have to wait a little bit longer than usual for the nookie, but the mantra still holds true either way. Because nowadays, even if you decide that your new chick is worth waiting for, there’s only so long you can wait.

Some ladies, on the other hand, seem to think that denying access to the pum pum will help them find love. Foolishness. When we were 18 and 19 years old, that made more sense because you didn’t want to be a skettel. Giving it up too soon mattered then. Now that you’re in your late 20s, early 30s, or even 40s, and all your friends are getting married and having kids, it’s a different ball game.

I have a close friend who’s been single for some time, and wants to be in a happy loving relationship. But for the life of me I don’t understand how she hasn’t been able to find love. She’s beautiful, intelligent, has her shit together, and, most importantly, can put down a wicked Sunday lunch. Anyway, one evening she called me saying that she was out, and wanted to get some. So I made the only logical suggestion that made sense to me. Find a man and take him home. She wasn’t too happy with that suggestion, because apparently that would have made a whore out of her, and she was looking for something more than a quick lay.

This got me thinking, she’s not the only person I’ve had this conversation with recently. So it’s either I know a load of ‘undateable’ women, or I’m a whore. Seriously though, it raised a question for me, does it matter how soon someone waits to give it up now that most of us have been around the block a time or two? For me, I’m sure you know already, the answer is no. Because unless something horrible happens when I get you naked, I already know if I’m going to want to see you again. Personally, after being married, I believe there is an inverse relationship between the relationship and sex, so why not set the bar as high as possible to begin?

I spoke to a couple of my female friends about this. After their initial outburst of laughter, when I asked them why some women think it’s effective to deny access, even when it’s obvious they may want it too, their take was that when most women are relationship hunting they prefer to know, or figure out if they want to have an emotional bond before they jump in the sack.

So let’s do some math here.

Day one, you meet dude, and have a chat. Depending on where you are, you might have a drink or two with him, and take a little wine. You exchange numbers at some point during the conversation because he ticks all the right boxes. He comes from a good family, doesn’t seem to be an axe murderer, says he is single, made you laugh a couple times, and has a good job.

Day two…nothing happens.

Day three, you have been texting back and forth, and he asks to see you again on the weekend.

The weekend rolls around, you are both tired and decide to do something fairly low key to get to know each other. You go to a bar; some skeletons come out the closet that you figure you can overlook for now, and have an overall good time. He is looking for a relationship, and doesn’t seem to be damaged goods. Great, but of course it’s too early to sleep with him, so at the end of the night it’s a quick hug and a peck on the cheek. Maybe if he tickled you lyrically enough, you’ll let him taste your luscious lips.

By the end of week two, you decide that this guy is genuine, and you really want to see him again, but he had his kid this weekend so couldn’t really meet up.

It’s now week three, and you both don’t want to wait until the weekend, so you arrange to see each other on Wednesday after work. However, out of all the days in the month, your boss chose today to drop this massive piece of work on you and needs it right away. Plan buss right? New guy will have to wait, and understand if he is serious.

It’s the weekend again, and you’re torn, because you had this thing planned with your girls, and you don’t want the dude to think you’re not into him, so you juggle the two engagements. He comes, your girlfriends like him, and you all dance and drink all night. Ladies, if this guy is straight, he is probably thinking he is on the inside tonight, and is going to get to tickle something else. But no, it’s still too early, isn’t it? You want to. He knows you want to. But you’ve only seen the guy three times. You can’t share your valuable treasure with him just yet. Should you?

In the middle of your moral dilemma of pum pum etiquette, you remember that next weekend he has his kid again. So you’re likely to end up screwless for another week.

Depending on your decision, at this point, most guys are thinking, or have already started to think you’re either on games or a bit of a prude. It doesn’t matter how interested he may be, he is wondering if it’s going to be worth all this waiting. After all, this isn’t 1842, and we aren’t 19 anymore either. So you’re beginning to run the risk of the sexual chemistry turning to sexual frustration or annoyance, because if he hasn’t bounced by now…chances are he’s decided he’s going to at the very minimum stay for the first lay.

I know some of you are thinking this is a really specific situation that doesn’t necessarily happen that often. The specifics don’t really matter. My point is that life gets in the way of love, and at our stage in life where our careers take up more time than we have in a day, and some people have personal baggage from previous relationships, is it more important to play the sexual cat and mouse game, because you don’t have that emotional bond you’re looking for? Or do you run the nookie, live, have some fun, and let the chips fall where they may? To most guys it’s simple, if we want to get with you, we will – whether you sleep with us the first night or not.

That being said, I’ll help you ladies with a couple watch outs. The dude in my example will probably be genuine seven or eight times out of ten. I mean…some people will just pretend until they get to buss your draws, but for the most part there is no need for you to force this guy to prove how interested he is in you. If you want to keep playing games, don’t be surprised if he gets fed up and goes back to playing with his X-Box.

On the other hand, if you’ve seen a guy a couple times, and you can’t answer basic questions about his past relationships, like whether he is in one or not, then you probably shouldn’t sleep with him yet, if you’re looking for love that is. If you’ve broached the topic and he didn’t come out and say all he wants to do is beat it like a cop, but he’s giving smart-ass answers about if you ask every guy that as soon as you meet them, or he’s dodging the topic, chances are he is ‘on games’, and you shouldn’t sleep with him.

There are many men today who will tell you exactly what they want pretty early on. It’s up to you to ask the right questions, and decide if you’re in or out. The likelihood of a guy saying and showing he likes you, but thinking you’re a baddis for sleeping with him the third or fourth date – in this day and age – is slim to none. If he does end up thinking that, then that’s your fault for trying to date a 60 year old.