Random Ish from de Outlish Crew

14 May Random Ish from de Outlish Crew

So last week, the Outlish crew was up to doing what it does second best, talking ish in its FB group. Karel (de editor) got the bright idea, “Lewee play a game. De alphabet game.” Basically, everyone could jump in and add a sentence; the idea was that, chronologically, each sentence would start with a letter of the alphabet…in chronological order. So a sentence starts with A, then B, then C, and so on. For the most part, we got it down pat.

Once in a while because FB showed other comments first, one or two people ended up coming in after, and, of course, some people took liberty, and added some extra sentences. But that was cool. Dey set de scene. However, one person got a beatdown for almost taking de ting off track (we not callin’ any names, but he name get call in de ting). Anyhoo, take it een. De crew wanted to share it with you.

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After thinking about the consequences of eating a doubles at 1 in the morning, Stacy realised that her stomach couldn’t handle so much pepper.

But she still decided to eat it anyway and ending up paying for it later than morning

Christmas of 1999 after Tantie Merle’s special extra spicy soya pastels was not half as bad as that morning’s shenanigans.

Definitely not especially when you compared it to uncle Errol’s curry liver and green fig salad.

Errol!!!! Stacy suddenly remembered she had a hot date scheduled with her beau later that night. How was she supposed to rock his world with a case of the runs?!
Frantically, she searched the medicine cabinet for Pepto-Bismol chewable tablets.

”Gosh, thank goodness for Pepto Bismol”, she thought to herself, as she glazed her lips with gloss. She was definitely ready for that date with Errol tonight!

Happily, she called Errol on her newly acquired bmobile phone.

“Where we going tonight, luv?”

Errol: “I made reservations at this new place in St. James…called Pepper Pot”

“How long does it take to get from Diego Martin to Woodbrook?” Stacy wondered, as she anxiously paced outside the trendy Avenue restaurant. “Errol, yuh stickin!” she thought.

If he stood her up, would he even call with a good excuse, she thought, brows properly furrowed by now.

“Just relax Stacy,” she whispered to herself. Chillax…yuh looking good and yuh smelling good. Plus the last time you saw Errol, he did say that of all his sugars, you were the most granulated.

Karel Mc Intosh is just the greatest editor ever even though she comments on every sentence we present to her in the form of an article.

LOL…every good story must come to an end some time, but not this one ‘cause, Errol has arrived and even though I may be granulated – he looks refined!! “Hey babes.”

“My god, gyal…yuh lookin’ so good! Sorry for being late.”

“Nutting in de world will make me stand you up, babes. Is meh car dat break down.”

“Oh reallly?? Last time it had a flood on d main road.”

“Presshah gyul, real presshah, water went in meh chassis and de car couldn’t move.”

Quintessential Errol…always full ah excuses…steups…

“Really? Nah baby doh beat up girl,” said Errol, his breath on her ear. “I just saw your ex, Kern there in the back and he was drunk as a bear.” As he squeezed her close, Stacy could swear, that she felt her belly rumble.

“Stacy doux doux let me make it up to you. This restaurant has had raving reviews and I hear their gourmet doubles is to die for. When last yuh had a gourmet doubles? And I eh talking about the $600 all inclusive breakfast party doubles allyuh does eat.”

ROARRRRRR went Stacy’s stomach, as she dashed from the table, leaving Errol scratching his head trying to figure out what was wrong with what he said.

“This is what’s wrong with women,” Errol muttered to himself. “After all this time trying to set up this date, the woman just bolts away from me. Now, should I stay here or go? She might not even come back? Should I be concerned?”

Uttering fervent prayers, Stacy released pon de toilet inna de restaurant. The woman at the mirrors outside the stalls laughed openly at her obvious farts. Stacy wanted to die. “How am I going to get out of this?” she thought.

Very irritated, Errol sighed heavily and checked his watch. At that moment, Stacy’s Blackberry beeped and for some reason he picked it up. It was a message from Stacey’s friend Xaviera. It read: “Gyul, ah know jus de ting fuh dem shittings. Meh Granny did give me dis a time…hol on, ah go email it tuh yuh.”

Wasting no time, Errol bolted from the restaurant.

“Xanax …somebody han mih ah Xanax please, cuz I too old for dis shit” is what Errol was thinking. Meanwhile, Stacy came back out and saw a note on the table that read…”You younger sister never give meh dis much trouble when ah was dating she. Best wishes, runny….xoxo”

Zoo time yes, when the inmates in this house acting and writing such crazy things, lemme go hang out with sane creatures!

Contributors’ credits: Kern Elliott, Cy Padmore, Louise Clarke, Kevin Campbell, Katyan Roach, Simone Dalton, Bahia Amarsingh, Stephanie Singh, Natasha Nunez-St. Clair, Mark Lyndersay, Jaime Lee Loy, Nicole G. Henry, Karel Mc Intosh, and Mystie Thongs.