To Sext or Not to Sext: That is the Question

25 Jul To Sext or Not to Sext: That is the Question

Obviously, everyone knows what sexting is right? Well, for the not so modern among us, who don’t know, ‘sexting’ refers to the sending of sexually revealing pictures, videos and explicit messages via text.

Now both sexes sext, but, usually, the men who do it are usually the bolder ones, the ones who Mother Nature gave an extra leg, so they’re not really concerned about ridicule; and although I wish, oh how I wish, I were taking to you guys today, I’m not. I’m talking to the ladies (though I still want guys – of all sizes – to let me know if they agree with what I’m about to say).

Now, I’ve never sexted (I’m not even sure if that’s a word), but I know that we live in a monkey see, monkey do society, so I’ll bet my doubles money, that many Trinbagonians – like so many other nationalities across the world – have participated in this pastime.

The thing is, though, in our society – instead of getting a recording contract or reality show when your naked vajayjay ends up on the Internet – you get ridiculed and suddenly everybody and their cousin is passing your picture around via BBM, Facebook and the like, making comments that I won’t not dare repeat here. Just google Trini girl in Japan, and you’ll see what I mean. So why risk it in the first place?

For many women, this is a way to keep the relationship spicy, and if they’re still trying to bait (or hook) the guy, a way to keep him interested. After all, giving him the opportunity to take a look at your yum yums, any time he wants, seems like a sexy thing to do, right? It might even save you the “I have a headache” line, as men are visual, and just looking, might help him to help himself, if you know what I mean.

The problem is in the excitement of you wanting to hit send, him wanting to hit “fwd”, either of you lending your phones to your “no credit” friends, or sending your laptop to the fix-it shop, that naked photo or raunchy text message can get you on the fast track to infamy.

Some experts believe that in long-term, stable relationships, sexting may actually be good. Sexting couples can expect to see increased lovemaking, intimacy and trust, all useful components in the development of longer and more successful relationships. Keep in mind that these can also be achieved without sexting, but the bottom line is it can be useful.

On the other hand, some ladies may simply pop off a sexy picture to a new guy, hoping that once he sees the goods, a relationship is bound to follow. But I’ll take a gander that what’s about to follow is your “Lil’ Miss Muffet” being critiqued by about 100 of his friends and then some. Casual sexting seems to be disliked by men looking for a serious relationship. You come off as ‘easy’, and he’s left wondering how many other guys were in the bcc in your e-mail.

Then there are those who go beyond sexting, and head straight for the big guns – the sex tape, made famous by hotel heiress Paris Hilton. Then came Kim Kardashian and look where she is today, reportedly worth 35 Million USD; and last, but not least, there was the reported sex tape of a former Miss Trinidad and Tobago.

Even schoolgirls and boys have joined the fray, using classrooms and riverbeds, as backdrops for porn, and experiencing the subsequent shame of realising that their photos or videos have already been spread to their entire form by the next day.

History has proven that once images of nudity or sex are involved, they will get out, and a sex tape that gets out is like gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe, difficult to get rid of. It follows like a shadow, and no matter how many years go by, or how much you’ve accomplished, someone is always ready to ask, “Ent she is de one with de the sex tape?”

Thing is…having a sex tape in the US may get you some level of fame. However, in Trinidad and Tobago, it doesn’t get you much, except more than a tonne load of gossip, and maybe a spot on “Crime Watch”, where Ian Alleyne will allege that your form is poor, blame the police commissioner, and scream at his director to stop blurring yuh face.

So apart from the desire to seduce someone via sexting, what prompts someone to take that bold step in the first place? Is it because far too many of us are choosing to see sex as just another thing to do while we pass the time? Maybe it’s because we live in a society where underwear is now outerwear, and, although I’m no prude, I still do double take, when I see someone in black, see-through leggings and a pink thong walking down the street.

Sure people are more sexually liberated these days, but whatever happened to the old saying, “keep your bedroom business in the bedroom”? I believe in the better safe than sorry policy, especially, if you’re not in a stable, committed relationship with the ‘sextee’. Plus if I had to do a tape or send a sexy photo, I’d want a crew – hair, makeup, lighting and serious Photoshop. Stop sending those grainy looking, bad hair day photos around; and for those of you who have no plans of running for political office, or entering a beauty pageant, anytime soon and, still – after all my ‘preachiness’ – see no harm in sending those naughty frontals, to you I say, “Go brave”. After all, you have the right to say hell yes to sexting.

But here’s a suggestion. If you really need to see yourself leaned up against the bathroom mirror, with bad lighting and your open toilet in the background, leave your face out of the picture. That way you can always deny it’s you.
For the ‘yes’ers’ out there, here are a few additional tips from www.askmen.com:

• Don’t sext what you wouldn’t say.
• Don’t sext if you’re not sure the gesture will be welcomed.
• No unsolicited sexting.
• If you haven’t yet been in bed together, sexting is probably a bad idea.

Being confident with your sexuality is healthy, but in the Facebook and YouTube sharing world we now live in, sexting is best done with some discretion. Besides, do you, or the object of your seduction, really need to see what each other looks like nude, or nearly nude in order to spice up your romance? What do you think? Is there no harm in sexting, or is it better to be safe than sorry and not sext at all?